DR. WALLACE: I’m 13 years old and my best friend is very important to me. I don’t have any brothers or sisters to talk to or hang out with, so I rely on my best friend a lot for my social interactions with kids my own age.
My best friend started hanging out with other friends that I don’t know, and although I was not told that I’m excluded from joining in with their conversations, I feel uncomfortable because I don’t know them.
Why am I becoming jealous that my one close friend also hangs out with others? She and I are still really good friends, but it seems like she has lots of friends and I only have her. — Just One Friend, via email
JUST ONE FRIEND: You have developed an attachment to her because you don’t presently have other outlets to socialize with teens near your age. I suggest that you do your best to drop your guard and ask your current friend to introduce you to a few of her other friends.
Once this happens, simply be polite and do much more listening than talking in the group at first. Find out what their interests are and how their personalities seem to interact. Then, if you’re comfortable in time, join the conversations slowly by talking a bit about subjects you know they are interested in. This is the best way to feel comfortable in social environments. In time, hopefully some of these new acquaintances of yours will take an interest in getting to know you better and will ask you what you like to do with your free time, for example.
Remember you already have one friend in this group, so relax and feel confident that you fit in. I trust in time you’ll have many casual friends, and at least one or two new close ones too.
I FEEL PRESSURE TO COME HOME TO VISIT
DR. WALLACE: My parents and I did not have a great relationship when I was 18 years old, so I moved out and have not been back home since. There were no huge issues back then, but there were some things that made all of us uncomfortable. As I’m sure you well understand, teenagers have many challenges in today’s modern world, and I sure did back when I was 18. Well, that was 5 years ago and now I live in the next state over from the state I grew up in.
I talk to my mom on the phone once in a while, and she always asks me to visit her and wants to know when I will be coming home. I usually make an excuse, such as that work is keeping me really busy, but I actually don’t have any current plans to visit in the near future.
Is there something I can say to get her to quit asking me every time about this, or should I just keep saying I’m too busy? — Busy Daughter, via email
BUSY DAUGHTER: I suggest you relax and count your blessings. As you stated yourself, the issues from five years ago were not huge disqualifying issues, but rather the typical parent/teen challenges that many families go through.
At this time, your mother and you can at least have civil discussions via telephone on occasion. This is a good thing. There may be a time in your life or in hers when one of the two of you may need to lean upon the other for support or guidance. Maintain your good telephone relationship with your mother on an ongoing basis, as you may feel differently in the future and be more open to visiting her again in person.
Thank her for the offer to visit each time she makes it and let her know you’ll visit when the timing is right for you.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
