DR. WALLACE: I have been asked out by a person I don’t want to go out with in front of a bunch of people, so I said “sure” at the time, but now I’m finding that I’m regretting it as I’d actually prefer to cancel.
For my future reference, I’d like to know what I want to say the next time this type of situation comes up.
How does one say “no” nicely to a date in front of other people when being put on the spot? — An awkward situation, via email
AN AWKWARD SITUATION: Simply say that your time is spoken for and then thank the person very much for the offer. Tell the truth politely and in a pleasant tone of voice.
It is not a good idea to feel pressured to go on a date with anyone at any time. Personal relationships, even casual dates, should always be voluntary and comfortable to set up. If they are not, then hesitation is in order. In this instance, you were caught off guard, but you can now be fully prepared going forward.
And yes, your time is indeed “spoken for” as you no doubt have many things to do each and every day or night of the week. Saying your time is spoken for is a polite way to decline an offer to get together. If persistent, aggressive follow-up requests occur, simply mention that you’re not comfortable being pressured to give an immediate answer as this should also help to consistently get your point across.
SHOULD I ASK MY NEIGHBOR TO WATCH MY GIRLS?
DR. WALLACE: From time to time, as a single mother, I get very busy with many multitasking responsibilities. There are times that I need my two girls, ages 9 and 11, to be left with someone for a few hours while I run errands or take care of work responsibilities.
I usually get a babysitter that I’m comfortable with down the street, but she’s not always available.
Do you think it would be OK to ask my 18-year-old high school senior neighbor to watch my two kids in a pinch? He’s a boy, but I don’t know him too well. He seems friendly enough and waves to us from time to time when we drive into or out of our neighborhood. — Very busy single mother, via email
VERY BUSY SINGLE MOTHER: Given the ages of your girls and of this young man, coupled with the fact you don’t know him too well, I suggest you pass on this idea. It’s your responsibility as a mother to plan ahead to ensure that your girls have a comfortable, well-vetted person and place to stay when you need to take care of business items on your own.
Spend some time speaking to other single parents in your neighborhood and seek to build a network of multiple babysitters who can be available at different times of day and days of the week. This way, you can provide part-time jobs to more regular babysitters and hopefully have enough flexibility overall to be able to meet your family’s needs in a comfortable way.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
