“Mrs. Beckerman?”
“Yes.”
“Mrs. Beckerman, I’m with the Groundhog Police.”
“Oh. How can I help you, Officer?”
“Mrs. Beckerman, we had a report of a Code G in your backyard.”
“A Code G?”
“Yes. Yelling at a groundhog.”
“Really?”
“Mrs. Beckerman, your neighbors say that you were threatening a groundhog with harm if he sees his shadow.”
“Well, it has been an excessively long and cold winter, Officer.”
“Nonetheless, Mrs. Beckerman, did you know that it is a violation of borough wildlife laws to verbally abuse a groundhog?”
“Well, I wasn’t actually yelling AT the groundhog.”
“No?”
“I was yelling at the hole he was in. He won’t actually come out until Groundhog Day, you know.”
“So I’ve heard. Ma’am, you do realize that there will be six more weeks of winter whether the groundhog sees his shadow or not.”
“I thought if he didn’t see his shadow, it means we will have an early spring.”
“Folklore, ma’am.”
“No kidding?”
“The groundhog is just a rodent, ma’am. He doesn’t have any kind of prophetic powers or influence over the change of seasons.”
“Wow, really? What about the Easter Bunny?”
“Made-up.”
“Tooth Fairy?”
“No such thing.”
“LEPRECHAUNS?”
“‘Fraid not.”
“Next thing you’re going to tell me is there’s no Santa Claus.”
“There’s no Santa Claus.”
“Wow, I am just shocked and dismayed.”
“Mrs. Beckerman, I think you are trying to distract me from the issue at hand.”
“Hey, Officer, look! Isn’t that Sasquatch?”
“Nice try, ma’am.”
“All right, I won’t yell at the groundhogs anymore.”
“Thank you.”
“Can I harass the woodchucks?”
Tracy Beckerman is the author of the Amazon Bestseller, “Barking at the Moon: A Story of Life, Love, and Kibble,” available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble online! You can visit her at www.tracybeckerman.com.
