DR. WALLACE: I am 20 years old, and I got pregnant last year. It was a shock to me at first, but then once I understood the gravity of my situation, I decided that I just had to have my baby.
This was not a planned pregnancy at all, but I’m glad I had the baby, and now I am the proud mom of a little girl. It’s great being a mom and taking care of my daughter, but I’m disappointed that I had to give up all my dreams to be a mom.
Do you feel that I will regret this for the rest of my life? — New Mother, via email
NEW MOTHER: You did not state what your lifelong dreams were, but I feel that there is a good chance you can both be a mother and pursue dreams you have at the same time. It takes a lot of work, planning and good scheduling, but many women have wonderful careers or interests outside of their family.
You are young, so take your time and grow into these dual roles very slowly. Of course, your child is your current primary focus, but over time along the way I trust you can be even more beyond just a great mother.
I DON’T CONSIDER HER MY GIRLFRIEND YET
DR. WALLACE: I’m a guy and I’ve been seeing this one girl a couple of times a week for a few months now. My parents say she’s my girlfriend, but I don’t think she necessarily is at this point.
My parents just laugh when I say this, and they go right on referring to her as my girlfriend whenever she comes up in conversation. I do like her a lot, but the two of us have never discussed going steady or making any kind of formal commitment to each other, which is why I think she’s just my casual friend at this point.
Who do you feel is right when it comes to my involvement with this girl? — Not Sure She’s My Girlfriend, via email
NOT SURE SHE’S MY GIRLFRIEND: First, I don’t feel it’s important to put so much thought into what specific definition you use to refer to your relationship at this point. Obviously the two of you enjoy each other’s company and that’s great. She is a girl, and she is a friend, so that’s the reality at this point.
I suggest you simply ask your parents to refer to her by her first name when discussing her, rather than using the word “girlfriend” since it appears to trigger you a bit. Tell your parents that if and when you formalize your relationship further that they will be the first ones to know about it. In the meantime, her first name is the right way for them to refer to her when conversing with you.
I agree that the number of times you go out with someone doesn’t automatically turn any relationship into “boyfriend and girlfriend” status. You and your date may or may not eventually have a discussion about whether you are exclusive and want to be committed to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
