Dear Annie: I knew my husband had a Twitter account, and I thought he only followed groups. Then, one morning, I looked at his account and saw that he was following around 75 people. They included two women. I saw that he had been tweeting at one of those women between six and eight times a day for several weeks. He said it’s not a big deal because they’re random people.
Some of the memes were of rabbits on hump day. He also never mentions that he has a wife, but he did mention that it took him a month to paint his room. He did not mention that I was there, too.
He managed to tell them what he did for a living and how he spends his weekends. He shared lots of personal stuff. In 24 years, this man never bothered with friends and never wanted people around.
While this was happening, I thought everything was great. We even had a romantic getaway planned. I feel different now. I really lost it, but I really love him. Am I making a big deal out of this? — Mountain out of a Mobile (Phone)
Dear Mountain: Your feelings are your feelings, and if you feel betrayed by his Twitter account, then you feel betrayed. The fact that he shut you out while tweeting with other women, pretending to them as if you do not exist, is something the two of you must discuss.
Your husband may think he is protecting you and that you don’t want to be on social media. As for his reasoning for leaving you out — while he embraces other women electronically — you will never know why until you have a dialogue with him. Once you talk to him and sort through any misunderstandings — with a marriage therapist, if necessary — go on your trip and focus on the love you feel.
Dear Annie: Your advice to “Feeling Left Out,” the woman who was feeling excluded by two friends who were widows and had invited another widow to go to dinner, was spot on. I became a widow last Christmas morning, and I’d like to add a perspective from a widow’s point of view. I want to address your reader and any others who find themselves feeling excluded by widows who are close.
Your friends are not trying to exclude you, but they belong to a club that thankfully you haven’t joined. As a widow, you don’t have to worry about taking a long lunch or dinner date with your friends, because there’s no one waiting for you at home. You don’t have to coordinate your plans around your spouse’s, and you’re pretty much free to come and go as you wish.
Please don’t confront them because you’ll only come across as petulant. Trust me when I tell you that they wish they still had someone waiting for them at home. Including another widow is not about you; they recognize that someone they know has experienced the same pain and loss as they have, and they know what kind of loneliness that woman feels.
Continue being the friend that they’ve come to know and love, and be thankful that you’re not a member in the widows club. — A Widow
Dear A Widow: I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience and explaining the deep connection you feel to other widows. Your shared experience, grief and sadness creates a bond that is unique to your new situation and a source of support for your loss.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected]