Dear Annie: My daughter is a 57-year-old divorced mom of four. All of her children live with her except for one, who is a college student. She has been divorced for 10 years. Her husband was having an affair and denied it, but my daughter has proof he did have an affair.
Since her divorce, and even prior to the divorce, I have helped her financially. I am a widow. Now it seems that she is having very little to do with me. She calls occasionally, but I have only seen her for about an hour in 2020 and so far this year. I am deeply hurt. I recently had major surgery, and she did not come for my surgery. She was moving the day of my surgery.
She called and sent a gift, but that’s it. Do I have the right to be hurt? She lives two hours away.
I do not think I have offended her in any way.
I should add that she does have a new boyfriend who she sees on weekends. — Hurt Grandmother
Dear Grandmother: Of course you have a right to be hurt. Feelings are never wrong so long as you acknowledge them and move forward. Perhaps your hunch that she is spending time with a new boyfriend might be a contributing factor to her distance. She is managing four children and a new relationship, so for the time being, try to cut her some slack.
Visit her more often, if you can make the trip. Once she sees that you are making an effort, she will be more willing to make an effort to see you. But by all means, tell her this. Don’t start from a place of guilting her, but rather from a place of love. Tell her that you genuinely miss her company.
Dear Annie: I got back with my ex after two years of separation. We have a beautiful baby girl together, and I really love this lady. When I suggested marriage, she was happy and looking forward to it; however, out of the blue, she changed her mind and even asked for space. She told me that I should start calling her before I go to visit her and our girl.
This really confused me, and I even started suspecting she was seeing someone else. This has really affected me greatly, and I don’t know if I should even go ahead with the marriage anymore.
Kindly advise; am I being unrealistic and selfish? — Confused
Dear Confused: No, I don’t think you are being unrealistic or selfish at all. I think you are confused and hurt. And for good reason. A complete change in attitude in any relationship is a red flag that something is not right. The best way to figure out what is going on is to tell her how you feel and ask her why her behavior toward you has shifted so dramatically.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected]
