DR. WALLACE: I’m 18 and my older sister is now 20. She has dated a lot of different guys, but none of them seem to last more than several weeks, or at best a few months. They all seem to me to fit into the same category, one I would call “losers” as they all don’t seem to have any plans in life, and they all just seem to want to live in the moment.
This is usually fine and even fun for her right at the start of each relationship, but inevitably things start to go downhill pretty quickly, she breaks up in the cycle repeats.
What will it take for my sister to find a more stable, long-term relationship? I’m really surprised and baffled as to why she continually does this. — Puzzled Younger Sister, via email
PUZZLED YOUNGER SISTER: Maybe your sister’s not ready to find “the one” and settle down because she is not thinking that way herself. Your letter indicates that she seems to enjoy living in the moment just as much as her dates do, so change will likely only come about when she makes an adjustment to her own perspective.
Young men are often a bit immature compared to young women of the same age, so the odds are she’s continually being drawn to dates that are a bit immature when it comes to their life goals and desires.
Perhaps a way you can help her is to occasionally have discussions with her at a time when things are calm and steady between the two of you and ask her about her future plans while simultaneously sharing yours with her.
She may eventually come to realize that she would like to change her current lifestyle, but then again, always remember she has free will and it’s her own choice to live her life as she wishes to.
MY BROTHER SCREAMS IN STORES!
DR. WALLACE: Every time I go to the store with my mom and 5-year-old little brother, 10 out of 10 times my brother seems to have a meltdown right there in the store, in front of everyone. This is so embarrassing!
He cries and has a fit because he doesn’t get to have some junky little toy. I see the stares of the other shoppers and even some of the store employees, although nobody seems to say anything. I do notice that people tend to move away from us the minute my brother goes into his routine.
How come my little brother hasn’t learned that him crying in the store won’t get him a toy that he feels he must urgently have immediately? — Super Embarrassed Older Sister, via email
SUPER EMBARRASSED OLDER SISTER: Children and at near that age want their way and as you see they often test the boundaries and limits of their behavior until consequences or intervention occur.
The key is for your mother to seek to prevent this type of behavior before it starts, and this requires advance planning. Consequences such as timeouts must be enforced, and good behavior can be rewarded. Your mother should also practice by taking your brother on very short visits to stores so that he can hopefully experience successful visits that can be rewarded with a favorite food upon returning home, for example.
Another important step to curbing tantrums by small children is to not give in to them, and to keep one’s cool when dealing with them. The calmer a parent reacts to a tantrum, the more likely the child will calm down sooner.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
