“Do you know what today is?” I asked my husband.
“New Year’s Day,” he said definitively.
“No, it’s Z Day.”
“What is Z Day?”
“It’s a celebration of everything that begins with the letter Z,” I said.
“Well, that makes sense,” he said.
“Why?”
“Because I have zero interest in this topic,” he replied.
I scowled at him. He might not have been interested, but I was. I wondered, was there a chance I had missed other important, lesser holidays because of all the hoopla around the big ones? I thought I had better do some research to make sure I was well-informed before next December rolled around.
As it turned out, I had missed Clark Kent’s Birthday on Dec. 1. Since he’s a fictional character, I didn’t feel that bad about it … especially since Superman missed my birthday on Dec. 24. I felt even less concerned about missing “Magnum P.I.” Day on Dec. 11, although I thought there should be a day celebrating Tom Selleck’s mustache because that truly is a thing of wonder.
I was pretty dismayed that I missed Bathtub Party Day on Dec. 5. I’m always up for a good bathtub event, although the word “party” implies that there would be more people than just me, naked, in my bathtub. Fortunately, Dec. 5 is also Earmuff Appreciation Day, so if nothing else, at least I would be wearing earmuffs in the tub.
Dec. 8, it turns out, is the official Day of Lard. I think they got that one wrong. The Day of Lard should come the day after Thanksgiving. More importantly, though, Dec. 8 is also Toilet Paper Appreciation Day, which you would probably be very appreciative of after the Day of Lard. Regardless, Toilet Paper Appreciation Day is a holiday I can really get behind. Get it? Get behind? OK, I’ll move on.
There are two holidays that share a day that make no sense. Dec. 12 is 12-Hour Fresh Breath Day. But it is also Eat a Raw Red Onion Day. I’m not sure how those two can possibly coexist. There is a National Fresh Breath Day on Aug. 26, as well. They should probably keep that one and do away with 12-Hour Fresh Breath Day, because after a day of eating raw red onions in December, it will probably take until August for your breath to be fresh again.
Dec. 15 is Cat Herders Day. I have never met a cat herder, nor do I know anyone who knows a cat herder, so I’m thinking that is not a wildly popular holiday. It is also Wear Your Pearls Day, which begs the question: Are you supposed to wear your pearls while you herd your cats? These are the things that keep me up at night.
Dec. 16 is National Chocolate-Covered Anything Day. As a chocolate lover, I thought this was good in theory. But I don’t think I would want to eat chocolate-covered lard or chocolate-covered raw red onions. But that’s just me. Cat herders may disagree.
Somehow, stunningly, I missed National Bacon Day on Dec. 30. I am a firm believer that everything is better with bacon. Naturally, I assume they mean bacon the food and not Kevin Bacon. Still, everything may be better with Kevin Bacon, too … except, perhaps, Tom Selleck’s mustache.
Tracy Beckerman is the author of the Amazon Bestseller, “Barking at the Moon: A Story of Life, Love, and Kibble,” available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble online! You can visit her at www.tracybeckerman.com
