DR. WALLACE: I’ve read your column a few times before. In one column I read, you gave advice to a boy who was being teased. You said to just walk away and say nothing in return.
The school year is over now but my neighborhood is full of kids. When we go to the local public swimming pool these same kids tease me and call me names.
When I get called names, it makes me angry and then I shout back calling them names also. But the teasing doesn’t stop, and every time I go to the pool it seems like these same kids are there and they tease me relentlessly.
I decided to try your advice and I am glad to say they quit teasing me. I tuned them out. I kept my mouth shut and after a few days they stopped bugging me because I didn’t react. It’s really strange, but the more I yapped back at them the more they chirped at me. But once I just started to look at them like they were crazy and just laughed and swam away, they gave it all up. Thank you for your simple but most effective suggestion. — Happier swimmer, via email
HAPPIER SWIMMER: Well, I am happy to hear that being mature enough to not stoop to their level has paid dividends for you. Not all cases of harassment, bullying and unfriendly dialogue end so well and easily, but I am very happy for you that this was the case.
A good lesson to learn in many situations is this: Don’t escalate and don’t elongate. This applies to harassing comments at school or in a public pool, and it applies to other situations like driving in traffic. Too often one driver may react to another with tragic consequences when one driver cuts another off in traffic or is perceived to have made some other driving error or slight. The general rule is to not engage if you receive a rude gesture or the sound of a honking horn directed at you. Simply move on and keep yourself and your passengers safe at all times.
Thank you for informing me that my routine, ordinary advice helped you solve a problem you were facing. Helping teens in any manner, large or small, makes writing this column satisfying; especially when I get letters like yours. And although my advice was routine, your implementation of it was extraordinary. Good job having the discipline not to engage further and to simply hold back. You fully deserve the peace you’ve achieved.
I WANT TO SELECT MY OWN WARDROBE!
DR. WALLACE: I just turned 13 last week. These days, I really want to express myself and my own personal style. I’m kind of growing into my own personality and I want the clothes I wear to match who I am and how I see myself.
The problem I currently face is that my mom still picks out my clothes for me. She chooses things that look like the 1980s! I mean, come on, this stuff went out of style as soon as Walkman CD players did!
I guess it would be all right if I liked the clothes she picked out, but I am unhappy with what she wants me to wear to school this fall. How do I explain to my mom that I want to get new, cute clothes that I will feel confident wearing? — Now a teenager, via email
NOW A TEENAGER: Let your mother know that you do appreciate her getting involved in deciding what clothes you’ll get for the next school year, and, of course, for paying for them.
Ask your mom politely to provide you more leeway in the selection of the clothes, but do understand that mothers hold “veto power” to deny anything that they feel is inappropriate or too expensive.
Clothing choices are one of the first things that preteens and new teens get an opportunity to be involved with, so congratulations on becoming a young lady. Remember here that communication and camaraderie with your mother are the keys to working together to select a wardrobe that both of you can be happy with.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
