DR. WALLACE: I am a very shy teenager with anxious tendencies who just started high school. I desperately want to be more social with my peers and hate myself for acting so timid and afraid all the time. I have dreams of being more extroverted than I naturally am, but right now that feels nearly impossible to me. Is this a permanent personality trait that I will always have, and if so, am I stuck this way forever? I would love to be able to relax and interact with other students without being so afraid. What can I do to overcome this? — So Shy It Hurts, via email
SO SHY IT HURTS: First, I would like to normalize what you are currently experiencing and how you are feeling. Transitioning into high school can be extremely intimidating and overwhelming, and I am confident that there are many other people your age who have found themselves in a very similar emotional position.
That being said, I also understand how your individual experience may feel very lonely and isolating right now, and I want to assure you that hope is on the horizon. Just because you gravitate toward introverted tendencies does not mean that you cannot exhibit extroverted characteristics at times. In fact, introversion and extroversion are two very different extremes, and rather than fully embody one, most people fall somewhere in between the two.
Spending time alone or hanging out with a small group of friends will likely always feel more comfortable for you in comparison to meeting new people or mingling in large crowds. Nothing, however, prevents you from working on building the skills required to grow more accustomed to meeting new people and taking more risks socially. Social skills, like almost any other skill, can be learned and practiced. It may be challenging and demand a great deal of effort at times, but it is not impossible to learn skills that would otherwise not come naturally.
As a result, I advise you to practice social skills just as you would practice any other skill that you consider worthy of pursuing. Challenge yourself in small ways each day and give yourself permission to make gradual changes. As long as you are consistent in your intentions and efforts on a daily basis, progress will be made, and you will acquire new skills that will beautifully complement your natural strengths.
I CAME HOME DRUNK!
DR. WALLACE: I’m 17 and I came home drunk from a party. I thought that I had hidden it from my parents well enough, but I didn’t get away with it. I’m now grounded for a full month.
My parents are really disappointed in me, and I’ve learned my lesson. In fact, I know right now that I never want to do this again. I feel horrible and want to know what I can do so I can be sure to take every step to ensure that this never happens again. Do you have suggestions for me? — Embarrassed by My Mistake, via email
EMBARRASSED BY MY MISTAKE: It was indeed correct to apologize to your parents for your disrespectful behavior as a first step. Promise them that it will never happen again — and truly mean it.
Your hangover should be enough to remind you to never drink again. Take control of your life and make a personal choice to refrain from drinking alcohol, especially because you are below the legal age to do so.
The only way to avoid getting drunk in the future is to avoid alcohol entirely, which is what you should have been doing in the first place. The key to a successful life is to avoid making the same mistakes twice or more. You’ve had one misstep; now it’s up to you to stay in control of yourself and your behavior going forward.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.