DR. WALLACE: Sometimes I find myself helping my son do his homework a little too much! I tend to take over the work and make sure that it is a really good paper or project when it is ready to be turned in. I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist, so of course I want my son’s schoolwork to be as perfect as possible. Sometimes he simply doesn’t have the skills or experience to finish his projects as well as I can. I let him start most of his projects himself, and then when he gets stuck, I jump in and finish them for him. And yes, I do go back and make some changes to the portion he completes as well.
Is it wrong to want to help my child in this way? — Perfectionist Mom, via email
PERFECTIONIST MOM: To help is fine but doing large portions of a paper or project is truly not helping your son with his development as a student. He needs to practice working and thinking for himself, not simply repeating what he’s done in the past and then stopping, knowing Mom will complete the project! Teaching is a unique art, and the key is to get the student to achieve a series of mini breakthroughs that add up to large shifts in critical thinking and skill building.
Rather than completing the project when your son reaches a sticking point, be patient and give him ideas and encouragement on how he may push past these spots on his own, but with your guidance. Work closely together with him but be sure all the work that is completed is truly his. If you really want to help your son to become the best he can be, stop doing his work for him and instead work with him to develop his skills.
I CRIED IN CLASS
DR. WALLACE: I feel that I am so immature sometimes even though I’m a girl who’s 15, and I just proved it by crying in class today at my school. I get way too emotional sometimes and it’s so embarrassing.
The reason I cried today was because we had an assignment about divorce and my parents are in the middle of a very messy divorce right now. I couldn’t help but think about what’s going on in my family, and it made me sad. I really wish I could just separate my home life from how I feel in school, but sometimes I can’t and then the tears just flow. What can I do? — Tears At School, via email
TEARS AT SCHOOL: You should not be embarrassed for crying as this is your true emotion flowing through. Do speak privately with your teacher if you are comfortable doing so. He or she can certainly help you and direct you to school resources that can help provide you emotional support as you go through this difficult period in your life.
If you are uncomfortable mentioning this to your teacher for whatever reason, then I suggest you go to your school’s counseling office directly. There you will find a supportive counselor who is professionally trained and equipped to help you. It’s all right to open up to such a counselor as they will respect your privacy and keep all conversations with you confidential.
You can also consider seeking guidance and assistance from a trusted adult in your family such as an aunt, uncle, grandmother or grandfather if you feel comfortable doing so. In any case, I suggest you use one of these methods to provide you the emotional support you deserve and need.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
