As everyone knows, when you’re talking about “Home, Home on the Range,” seldom is heard a discouraging word.
At work, it’s less than seldom. It’s never.
There’s a reason for this.
You may think it will feel good to “tell it like it is,” but whether the issue is a major new product initiative, a corporate-wide re-org or just an employee who has to be shown the door and then booted through it, the repercussions of speaking up can be downright catastrophic.
This is why streetwise employees replace the Boy Scout Law, to “tell the truth,” with the law of the business jungle: Keep your eyes shut, and your mouth zipped.
Still, there are times when you simply must “say the unsayable,” as Kathryn Mannix puts it in the title of her recent article in The Guardian. In the piece, Mannix, a retired consultant in palliative medicine, lists “10 ways to approach a sensitive, daunting conversation.”
As a retired consultant in palliative employment, allow me to curate this long list, the better to provide you with a workable number of workplace strategies you can employ in those times when, despite your best efforts, you actually have to tell the truth.
“Invite, Don’t Insist”
The goal here is to make a critical convo a “shared endeavor.” Rather than demanding a meeting on the spot, say, “I have something on my mind I’d like to chat about. When would be a good time for you?”
The recipient of your truth bomb may agree to an immediate meeting, but this is unlikely. Everyone knows you have nothing on your mind, ever, so if something has popped up in that vast, polluted wasteland that is your brain, it’s probably best for them to head for the hills.
Who knows? The subject may never come up again, or, more likely, you’ll forget what you wanted to say. That’s what I call a win-win.
“Pace Yourself”
“Important conversations can go wrong if participants talk themselves to exhaustion,” Mannix writes. That’s why she recommends setting 10-minute time limits. Of course, receiving only 10 minutes of your wisdom would be highly unfair to the unlucky individual who is the target of your bad news. If they appear to be wilting after hour three, you may have reached a good stopping point. Offer to continue the conversation at a later date, or after work, or in their homes over the weekend.
If this doesn’t end the discussion, nothing will.
“Listen to Understand”
According to Mannix, the most successful conversations do not depend on how much you talk, but on how well you listen.
This sounds good, but don’t go too far. You don’t want to have a drawn-out discussion with some nudnik in your office just to end up being convinced of their point of view. That’s why you are advised to “repeat what you heard with empathy,” cutting off a long conversation with a short recap and concluding with “have I got this right? This is what you believe?”
Once you have observed affirmation, you can add, “I’m asking because I’m amazed anyone could be that misinformed and downright stupid.”
(Note: If the person with whom you are talking is your manager, skip that last part. The reason they were promoted is because they were that misinformed and downright stupid.)
“Give Unwelcome News Gradually”
You don’t want to tell a close colleague their career is dead. Instead of blurting out the bad news, sneak up on it. For example, you might start by reminding your co-worker of all the complaints they’ve made over the years over the imperious attitude of the IT Department, whose employees hoover up all the free snacks in the break room and insist on installing operating systems that were out of date when Elon Musk got his first set of Legos.
When you start to see smiles and nods of agreement, that’s the time to say that a solution to their problem is at hand. No, IT won’t be changing their nefarious ways, but you’ve heard from unimpeachable sources that your work friend is about to be fired.
“I’m really jealous,” you might add as the coup de gras hits home. “You’ll be broke, unemployed and probably unemployable, but you won’t have to deal with those evil weirdos from IT. I’m sure you’ll be much, much happier.”
Pat them on the back and get as far away as you can as fast as you can.
You’ve based your entire career on lies; they can, too.
Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at [email protected] To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
