DR. WALLACE: It’s clear that my parents favor my sister over me, and I feel as though they have no interest in my life whatsoever. I’m tired of feeling neglected and overlooked all of the time, especially when my sister receives so much praise and glory from everyone in my family.
I’ve tried to communicate with my parents about this, but they always think that I am exaggerating and seeking attention out of selfishness. Sometimes I just can’t wait to move out of their house and start a life away from them so that I don’t have to live under my sister’s shadow anymore.
I’m tempted to cut ties with them completely and move away as soon as possible, but a small part of me is worried that I might ultimately regret making that decision. I feel trapped and at a loss for options at this time. What should I do about this and the way I feel about it? — The Sister in the Shadows, via email
THE SISTER IN THE SHADOWS: It could be that you’re overreacting a bit here, but since I truly don’t know your home life situation, I’ll take you at your word. There’s no doubt you feel this way, no matter what the situation is, and you’ve articulated your feelings about it plus taken the time to write here to discuss the matter.
One of the first thoughts that came to me is to encourage you to be as engaged with all of your family members as possible. This might sound counterintuitive, but it could potentially put you in a better position in short order.
Think about ways to interact with each of your parents on topics that are important to them. Your mother and father likely have hobbies, interests and tendencies that they follow and spend time on routinely. Think of ways to interact with them in their areas of interest. Over time, as you hopefully make progress spending some good family time with each parent, you should request that they return the favor to spend some time with you in areas you have interests in. If, for example, you love music and concerts, perhaps you could request that one of your parents take you to see a show you’d truly enjoy. With the pandemic ending, and social events reopening, your chances would be good to spend some social time with your family members.
After starting with your parents, think of ways to do the very same with your sister. Find ways to engage her more often and more regularly. Take up an interest in an area you know she’s interested in. Try to have fun, get a few laughs and some good camaraderie going. And of course, in time ask her to help you in an area you’re interested in. Chances are she’ll respond favorably to you.
Often in life positive changes can be achieved by first starting out focusing on others rather than ourselves. The goal is not to overlook our needs or to put them in the backseat, but to proactively find ways to accomplish our goals by finding conducive paths toward their accomplishment.
I WANT TO GO TO THE FORMAL DANCE
DR. WALLACE: Next month is my school’s big formal dance for upperclassmen. I have always looked forward to going to this dance ever since I was a freshman at my high school. I have my dress, shoes and the hairstyle I want to do, but there is one issue: I don’t have a date yet.
Almost every girl in my friend group has one besides me. As time goes by and we get closer to the date of the dance I get more and more worried that I will be the lame one without a date. I am starting to wonder if it is even worth going if I am going to feel this way. Help! — I’d Like to Go, via email
I’D LIKE TO GO: Congratulations on your current preparations! It sounds as though you’re all set in several departments for this function.
Now you should put your efforts immediately into networking! It sounds to me as though you’re more interested in attending the function than being picky about making the perfect romantic connection at this time. Therefore, I’d guess you wish to have a suitable date, one who is respectable and friendly. That’s a short and fairly easy list to work off of.
You should reach out to your best girlfriends and ask them about who they think might be a good person to accompany you. See if a suggestion or two can be arranged, and also don’t forget that you have another avenue as well. You can ask whomever you like to go with you! There might be a few friendly, reliable classmates you know only casually right now who would be a good fit for this event. My advice is to use your friends and yourself to keep searching rather than just waiting at home for your telephone to ring!
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
