Dear Annie: I recently moved in with my sister, who is two years older than me. We got into a fight recently because, while she is an extroverted, warm and beautiful person, she has a great deal of personality for me to handle.
She is always talking about anything and everything. I snapped at her when we were coming back from work together and she had spent the entire 30-minute ride talking nonstop about whatever was on her mind.
I’m an introvert and a very quiet person who doesn’t like to be noticed, which is probably the reason why we get along so well most of the time.
Is there a way I can let her know about how this is annoying without hurting her feelings since she is the best person ever? But honestly, there was even a guy who asked her to keep it down since she also talks very loudly. Any advice will be appreciated.
And thank you so much for all the good work. — Opposite Sisters
Dear Opposite: Acceptance, expectation and communication will help you two. Focus on the qualities that make your sister “the best person ever” while at the same time respecting your own boundaries. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert or an extrovert. It’s just a matter of understanding each other and what the other person needs.
A great book for extroverts to better understand introverts is called “Quiet” by Susan Cain. Maybe the two of you could read it together and do a little book club about it. Then maybe you could read a book about extroverts. The point is to get curious about what she needs and for her to get curious about what you need. That way, you can accept the differences in each other more easily.
Let her know if you had a long day at work and need some quiet time; just say that to her in a polite way — that it has nothing to do with her stories or talking, but it is what you need to recharge your system. If she can’t do that, then maybe you can find another ride and recharge on the train or bus quietly. But the most important thing for success is to communicate to her that it doesn’t have anything to do with her; it has to do with how you need to relax and unwind.
Dear Annie: I read your column faithfully. I am often tempted to write, but your replies are often quite on the money.
Your observation in response to “In a Quandary” that the brother may have donated the money from other sources was a good comment. He maybe took a mortgage against it to give to the charity and is using the rental income to service the debt.
Nevertheless, I would add to this that all folks should seriously consider a trust for all their assets. A trust has many protections that just a will by itself does not have, and also, in most cases, they can be executed immediately with only a note being sent to the probate court that the trust was executed.
In most cases, the decedent’s attorney will ensure all the final wishes are executed precisely.
Our family is in a similar situation, but it is more complex since it involves a family member who passed away, who lived overseas and who had not executed a final will. Luckily, we are confident that a local family member is handling it precisely as she wished.
But in the long run, without some kind of trust and will together, if money or property is directly inherited, it is the receiver’s wishes as to how it will be spent that will prevail, as you’ve indicated. — A Faithful Reader
Dear Faithful Reader: Thank you for your knowledgeable insight. You are correct to highlight that a will or trust could be the best way to ensure that all your wishes are carried out. However, you should always consult a lawyer because different states, such as California with community property, may have different laws.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected]
