DR. WALLACE: My 17-year-old brother has been the biggest jerk ever lately to my parents and me. We all agree that he needs some help dealing with his anger issues.
He has always been a little high-strung in terms of his personality, but lately, it’s literally out of control. He goes off on any of us over the smallest perceived slight. And the crazy thing is, what he perceives as a slight is actually nothing of the sort.
Why do you think he’s acting this way? What can we think about doing regarding this situation? I’m afraid something bad will happen if we don’t get him diffused pretty soon. — Worried younger brother, via email
WORRIED YOUNGER BROTHER: Older teenagers (from 16 to 19 years old) often find themselves trying to make sense of the physical changes happening to them, as well as the changes in their emotions and mentality. Sometimes moodiness sets in, which can make them angry over what normally would be considered to be trivial matters.
Just like other emotions, anger bubbles up naturally once triggered. In some situations, it is neither right nor wrong for an individual to feel angry. Ongoing, chronic angriness may be a sign a teen’s needs are not being met and changes need to be made. These changes may relate to the teen, his or her environment or interactions with family members.
Keeping anger bottled up and not expressing it at times can become dangerous. It sounds to me that your brother may greatly benefit from a calm, in-depth conversation with your parents on a variety of topics. If he cannot or will not talk to your parents for whatever reason, a school counselor or a physician should be consulted to see if underlying issues might be present that can be addressed.
Another possibility beyond the onset of the natural maturation process could potentially be substance abuse of some kind. Of course I have not met your brother and would not profess to suggest this is, in fact, the reason for his anger outbursts, but similarly, I can’t rule it out from my position here either. This is why it’s quite important for your parents to take the time to hold a long, earnest conversation with your brother as a starting point for your family. This should be done as soon as possible. Hopefully they all will be able to address minor issues, which can help him reduce his frustrations. And if a larger issue potentially becomes evident, your parents will then be in a position to seek the guidance of professional assistance to help him.
I’M NOT GOOD AT SPORTS
DR. WALLACE: Both of my parents and my older brother for years have encouraged me to play baseball, soccer and other organized sports at my school. My parents keep enrolling me in these sports year after year, even though I keep telling them I’m not interested.
They somehow think I’ll grow to like sports more if I have to play them often. Well, I have no interest in playing the tuba, and I wouldn’t want to start several years of tuba lessons either. This is also how I feel about all organized sports. Basically, my parents don’t get it.
Now I’m in high school and I still can’t play any of these sports well! My coaches kept telling my parents that I’m not too good at baseball or soccer but I’m still enrolled to play them each year. We live in a smaller town so there’s no chance I’ll get “cut” from these teams since we only have a limited number of players to begin with. So now I’m stuck!
I even tried different sports and practiced them over the summer, but it didn’t help me a bit. I’m just kind of naturally uncoordinated. Are my parents disappointed in me? The good news is, I do have a decent singing voice, but nobody wants to hear me sing in the baseball dugout or on the soccer field. — Not good at sports, via email
NOT GOOD AT SPORTS: As a parent, I would not be disappointed in you at all! Not every young person has talents in all areas, and at least you are showing true mettle by hanging in there and participating even though your talent level is not high in these areas. Hopefully you’re getting a bit of good exercise along the way.
I do advise you to continue to sing and see where that talent may take you. Contact your high school music teacher to schedule an audition. You may enjoy participating in music with some of your time and thereby reducing your sports a bit as well. As a parent, I would encourage that kind of activity balance.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.