Dear Annie: I have a boyfriend of one year, and we are considering marriage, but we are not officially engaged.
My problem is his sister, who lives in Paris. I’ve never seen or talked to “Amelie,” but have been told a lot about her. She has been in Paris for three years, but no one knows what she is doing there, since she has no job experience. All her expenses are paid by her parents, but sometimes she calls my boyfriend collect demanding money. He always gives it to her. He also sends her expensive gifts on holidays and birthdays.
My boyfriend doesn’t make a decent income, nor has he saved a lot. I want him to stop sending money to Amelie, but I don’t want to cause problems in their relationship. What should I do? — Potential Sister-in-Law in Seoul
Dear Seoul: At the moment, you have no say on what your boyfriend does about Amelie. It’s not your money. However, if you marry this man, it will become your problem. If he doesn’t make a decent living, doesn’t know how to save, likes to give generous gifts and is an easy mark for his freeloading sister, you are in for a lifetime of financial difficulty. Here’s our advice: Do not marry him unless he learns to be more responsible.
Dear Annie: This is in response to “At Wits’ End,” whose almost-18-year-old daughter seems to have become a different person because of drug abuse. The description of this girl’s behavior was familiar, as my husband and I experienced much the same thing with his daughter.
Thank you for recommending Families Anonymous. We regularly attend FA meetings and have found the fellowship in this group to be a lifesaver. It helps to be with people who understand the havoc that a loved one’s drug addiction can wreak on a family, and who can offer a compassionate, nonjudgmental ear and solid coping strategies.
FA has done wonders for us, allowing us to live a comfortable life despite the tragedy of addiction. Our thoughts and prayers are with this family and all families who walk this walk. Our daughter is not yet straight, but we are learning to let go with love and let her experience the consequences of her choices. There truly is a difference between turning your back on someone and lovingly letting them take responsibility for their choices instead of bailing them out. FA helps families understand this. — Anonymous in Roanoke, Va.
Dear Roanoke: Thank you for letting our readers share your experience. We hope your daughter recovers. Here’s one more:
Dear Annie: My wife and I could have signed the letter from “At Wits’ End.” When we discovered our daughter was using cocaine, we decided we had no choice. We either could find and pay for residential treatment, or pay for a funeral. Our daughter has been at a private, all-girl treatment center several states away for six months, and she has six months to go, but I can say now that we have her “back.”
I urge your reader to go online and search for this type of facility. It is imperative that their daughter be removed from her peer group and that the drugs be cleansed from her system. With loving, professional help, they will see her transform before their eyes. Their “little girl” is still in there, she is just totally incapacitated by the drugs.
This is a life-or-death situation. Through a strong commitment, courage and love, their daughter can get the help she so desperately needs. This course of action is expensive (we mortgaged our house), but is a much easier sacrifice than attending her funeral. — Thanking God Every Day
“Annie’s Mailbox” is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar. This column was originally published in 2016. To find out more about Classic Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit Creators Syndicate at www.creators.com.
