Dear Readers: In light of St. Patrick’s Day, I want to share this story from “Same Boat,” who wrote a response recently to share the story of how he reconnected with his fiancee from 28 years ago. With all the twists and turns of life, his story is about as lucky as they get. May your holidays be equally serendipitous!
Dear Annie: Thank you for publishing my response to “Nostalgic and Regretful.” I wanted to share with you something I recently wrote regarding my fiancee and my love story — our “romance novel,” if you will.
We met in March 1994 at a local pizzeria. I was a cook there, and she had just been hired as a hostess. At the risk of sounding cliche, I had never seen someone so beautiful, and to this day, only my children have ever equaled that sight.
The attraction was instant, but it went beyond that. Never before had somebody had my back the way she did. She was my staunchest ally, which I desperately needed at that time. For much of the summer of ’94, I was functionally homeless, sleeping on friends’ couches or in cheap motels. I barely had a penny to my name, and yet she never wavered.
At the (quite appropriate) protestations of her family, who saw me as an 18-year-old bum, she always stood by me.
But we were kids, and I was an idiot, fearful and insecure. I listened to advice and gossip from some not-so-well-meaning people. Rather than communicating with the young woman who had been nothing but honest with me, I broke up with her, and in doing so, devastated myself. She is not one to put up with baloney, and she wasn’t dealing with mine.
We would not set eyes upon each other for nearly 30 years.
We became Facebook friends in 2009 and would sometimes wish each other happy birthday. I didn’t think much of it, as I dubbed Facebook “where old friendships go to die.”
After three failed relationships, I was done with romance. I was jaded and cynical, tired of being controlled and cheated on. Tired of my own faults, tired of putting my heart and soul into people, relationships and jobs that never put forth the same effort.
Then she popped up on my feed.
There was something curious about it: Her name was her maiden name. My divorce from my second marriage had finalized a few months prior, and suddenly, there were no chains holding me anywhere.
My curiosity wouldn’t let me go. After a little research, I discovered her divorce finalized one day before mine.
That night, I reached out and asked if she wanted to go out and get some burgers. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
While we didn’t get those burgers that night, we did start talking again. Soon after, I started preaching again. It’s funny, because when I was in the hospital with COVID-19, I prayed that if God got me out of there, I would go back to working in the church. It didn’t even have to be as a minister. If He wanted me to scrub bathrooms, I’d do it gladly.
So, there I was, back in ministry after more than seven years away, and right after the first service, I got a text from her: “You know, I’m only 20 minutes from you.”
My son and I arrived right to the place where she was camping. “I better be getting a hug,” she said. To paraphrase Eminem, I had “traveled back to the arms of my rightful owner.”
We were set in stone that day and have been ever since. At the beginning, there were moments where I thought maybe we had been cheated out of 28 years together, but no longer. After all of the mistakes, sins and bad decisions of my life, I realized that she deserves better than the way I was at 19, 27, 38. I want to be the best version of myself for her, because she deserves nothing less. I can never say about anyone else what I can say about her: that she truly makes me a better man.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected]
