DR. WALLACE: I accidentally found a small, empty whiskey bottle in my 15-year-old son’s backpack. I was shocked when I pulled it out! What do I do now? Should I confront him or just throw it away and pretend that this never happened?
He’s basically a very good kid and he has not been in any trouble before. It makes me wonder whether this bottle was his or if he ever even drank from it. I’m also wondering if he might have just found it somewhere along the way during his walk home from school.
I’m torn between confronting him and the alternative of saying nothing and just hoping this will all go away. — Worried mother, via email
WORRIED MOTHER: Yes, talk to your son as soon as possible about this. Simply tell him what you discovered and make no condescending remarks about it at all. It’s important to keep the tone of your voice in check as well at this first juncture. Just tell him you are curious as to where he got it and why it was inside his backpack.
Remember that he may have a plausible answer, which is certainly possible. However, if you notice that he’s being deceptive or if he admits to drinking from it, then you should of course immediately intervene to set up both punishment and guidelines for future behavior.
If your son indeed has been drinking at such a young age, something is likely amiss in some department of his life. Try talking to him about this topic first rather than simply continually harping over the alcohol. Remember that if you need further support, counselors and resources are more readily available in today’s world than ever before, and if needed, you and your son will benefit from them if they are appropriately utilized.
MY DATE EMBARRASSED ME
DR. WALLACE: I went on a second date with a girl I like, and we went to a nice restaurant. I was trying to impress her, then, out of nowhere, everything backfired!
My date was kind of rude to the hostess and did not want to be seated at the first table she took us to. Then we ordered and she had a problem with the food that was delivered and promptly sent it back!
I was disappointed and embarrassed and now I’m not sure I want to ask her out again, even though I think she’s pretty. Given this information, what should I do now? I’m worried that if I ask her out again, this scenario will repeat itself and I’ll feel even more uncomfortable than I did the first time. — Nervous date, via email
NERVOUS DATE: Of course, you can find someone else to date. There are many wonderful girls in the world, and I trust there are several in your locality who would be more than suitable in matching up with your personality.
However, I wouldn’t be too judgmental of your prior date after only one experience. It could be she was under stress or having a bad day before you went out to dinner together and her frustration might have spilled over in one form or another.
Since you like her and find her pretty, I suggest you try a second date and see how it goes. If her behavior begins to mirror her prior behavior, very calmly ask her if there is some reason why she wishes to interact with other people in that manner. She may or may not give you a snippy reply to this, which would at lease allow you to see her in interactions with others again to see if it may have been a one-off thing or part of an ongoing pattern.
You can easily make it through one more date at this point, so give the two of you another chance with an open mind. It’s easy enough to move on later if you still feel the same way, but if she’s friendly to all and in good spirits, won’t you be glad that you did not make decisions based on just one event?
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
