DR. WALLACE: I’m 17 years old and have found myself addicted to the internet to the point that it now consumes my life.
I’ve always enjoyed playing video games online, watching YouTube videos and communicating with people in various chat rooms. But during the COVID-19 lockdown, these behaviors have turned into addictions. When my high school courses transitioned to an online platform, I no longer felt forced to pay attention to my class lectures. So, I messed around on the internet instead. Once my grades began to suffer, I decided to try to pay more attention to my classes. But I failed miserably. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t prevent myself from looking at my phone or opening another web browser tab on my laptop without feeling extremely uncomfortable and jittery.
As the world has slowly opened back up since the pandemic, I’ve noticed that I’ve also lost interest in what should otherwise be “fun” activities. For example, I went on a camping trip with my friends last month. Because we had no internet connection, I was miserable. Even when we went on beautiful, scenic hikes, I couldn’t shake my desire to be back at home on my computer. I kept thinking about it. It completely ruined my experience of the trip.
I’m nervous about how I’ll be able to attend college, hold a job and simply live a productive life with my uncontrollable internet craving. I’m realizing that I’m beginning to find the online world to be more interesting and exciting than the “real” world, and that discovery has been very unsettling. — Addicted to the internet, via email
ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET: Unfortunately, there are many other teenagers, and even adults, struggling with this same issue. Having unlimited access to constant stimulation via the internet has caused many people’s attention spans and interest in other activities to dwindle.
You are right to be worried about how this addiction will affect your success and quality of life in the future. Unlike the way things work in real life, instant gratification and stimulation await you on the internet at the click of a button. The more time you spend deriving pleasure from online activities, the more boring your school and work responsibilities will seem in comparison. Some of the greatest joys in life, such as spending time with friends and being outside in nature, will also seem dull and uninteresting. While the internet may function as a source of instant dopamine, it will never be able to provide you with a sense of meaning or fulfillment. Eventually, no amount of pleasure and stimulation will be enough to satisfy you.
My advice to you is to learn how to embrace the very feelings of discomfort and jittery uneasiness that you described. Those feelings are your body’s demand for stimulation and mindless entertainment, and if you continue to feed them, they will only grow stronger. The good news is that although the feelings you experience when you deny yourself of momentary instant gratification are uncomfortable, they are not dangerous. It will certainly feel mentally and physically painful to sit through one of your class lectures with no access to your phone or the internet — you should not expect it to feel otherwise — but you will survive! Instead of fighting the feelings that come up as you begin to exercise the skill of focused attention, acknowledge them, accept them and make the deliberate decision to continue to concentrate on the task at hand.
It’s important to note that starving yourself of instant gratification and digital stimulation does not mean that you can never take a break or reward yourself. You should absolutely take breaks, but make the decision to spend that time offline. Initially, this may seem boring to do and difficult to enjoy, but in time, you will begin to find ways in which the “real” world can be just as interesting as the online world — and infinitely more fulfilling.
IS OUR RELATIONSHIP DOOMED?
DR. WALLACE: I’ve been dating the same guy for two months. I like him a lot, and we get along great. But we discussed our birthdays the other day. I’m an Aquarius, and I just found out he’s a Scorpio.
Now I’m worried because our signs are not supposed to be compatible. Do you think we still have a chance for an ongoing romance, or are we already doomed because of our signs? — Happy but worried, via email
HAPPY BUT WORRIED: It seems that you’ve been getting along fine for the past two months, so you should continue to get to know him and spend time with him. If he is kind, sincere and compassionate, then I’d say that you indeed have a chance at romance with him, regardless of his “sign.”
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
