Don’t hate me!
It’s not my fault I’m a warrior.
In fact, “warrior” is one description of my performance at work that has never been used, not even once.
“Waste of space,” “lazy bum,” “total loser” come up most frequently — and those are the positives. But that’s going to change.
“I’m an asset to this company,” I’m going to say, “and I can prove it. I just took a quiz.”
The quiz that made me a warrior was created by Jason Shen, the author of “This Resilience Quiz Will Reveal How You Deal with Change at Work,” an interactive blog post on TheMuse.com.
Of course, you don’t really need a quiz to know that change is in the air. Remember when COVID-19 first struck? We all changed when we moved from our posh, private offices to our cluttered kitchen tables. Then, as COVID-19 ebbed, we were asked to change again, back to those private offices that no longer seemed quite so posh — or so desirable. Now, the economy is acting up and we may soon be changing our employment status from “fully” to “un.”
Which brings us to this very relevant question: If the likelihood of change at work never changes, how do you react to it? Executive coach Shen has come up with four possibilities, or archetypes. Let’s find out which archetype is your type, shall we?
No. 1: Warrior
“You thrive at the front lines” is the basis of the warrior personality. “If there’s trouble ahead, people look to you for leadership.”
Warriors love a crisis and move quickly to respond, like the way you reacted to the last major assignment that arrived in your inbox by letting out a bloodcurdling scream and ducking under your desk. Before long, everyone in the office was screaming and ducking, which proves your leadership abilities.
Like all the archetypes, the Warrior faces certain risks. For example, you are cautioned to avoid burnout in your effort to be “the hero.”
The best way to handle the Warrior risk? Quit wearing a cape to work and stop shouting out “Shazam!” every time you present a new idea in staff meetings.
No. 2: Healer
The Healer is “the one people turn to when they are scared, lost and hurting.” This certainly describes the way you comforted your co-workers when management started hinting about layoffs, until everyone was calm and reassured about their prospects, at which point you went to your boss with a plan to fire the entire team and put yourself in charge at triple your salary.
As a Healer, you are cautioned not to become so focused on helping others that you don’t take care of yourself. This is why, whatever is causing pain for your co-workers, you make sure they know that it’s much, much worse for you. This helps them understand why they need to ignore their own work and focus all their attention on you, which they can do right up to the moment they are fired.
No. 3: Pioneer
“When things go wrong, you always have a plan B to turn to” describes the Pioneer response to change.
Unfortunately for your team, plan B invariably includes a good deal of finger-pointing and tattletaling by you, about them, in secret, in private, with the big boss. This is somewhat unfair to your colleagues, but they will thank you for providing them with the opportunity to discover their own response to change, namely their sudden reassignment to the company’s satellite office in lower Zamunda, which you will supervise from your new office in Paris.
No. 4: Scholar
“You believe that important lessons lie everywhere.” This is the change response of the Scholar. “You seek to study and learn from the past, so you can prepare for the future.”
While your less scholarly friends at work drive themselves batty trying to cope with changes coming from every direction, you stay above the fray, carefully determining how you can take advantage of the situation by eliminating as many of your closest friends as possible.
By carefully cogitating on the strengths and weaknesses of your co-workers you clear the way for your own rise in the company, which will be infinitely easier once all the capable people in your department are out of the way.
In the end, it’s important to remember that no matter how you respond to change, you should never change. You’re perfect in every way, and if anyone doubts it, all they have to do is ask you.
Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at [email protected] To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.