DR. WALLACE: A year ago I went through a very difficult time in my life, and I cut off a friend who wasn’t there for me. This friend knew about my difficult situation and did nothing at all that was helpful or comforting. What really stung was that I was there for her in so many ways when she had a much, much milder problem a year ago than the one I’m dealing with now.
She didn’t try to call or text me even once to see if I was all right or ask if I needed anything. I feel like I was always there for her when she needed me as a friend, but when our roles got reversed she just evaporated from our friendship and ignored my situation entirely. Should I keep her cut off now, even though I’ve recently been able to work through about 70% of the difficulties I’ve been facing recently? — Feeling Let Down by a Friend, via email
FEELING LET DOWN BY A FRIEND: At this point, it’s up to you to make the move that you feel in your heart and soul is in your best interest. If you feel there will be a tangible benefit to having this person back in your life, you can slowly rekindle the relationship by reaching out to her. If you feel deeply hurt and that attempting to reengage with her will cause you further pain and strife, then I would advise you simply to let it go so that you can continue to heal and/or improve your current situation in the best possible way. Simply put: Do what you feel is in your best interest here.
The reality is that you currently feel your “friend” has let you down when you really needed her the most, but since you’ve never actually spoken with her, you don’t know her side of the story completely. I do not know the nature of your situation and the specifics of the difficulties you’ve endured, so I can’t pass any judgment on your friend for this reason.
I also am unaware of both your age and your friend’s age. It could be that at her age, coupled with the specific nature of your difficulty, she felt very unsure of what to do in regard to contacting and interacting with you and didn’t find it appropriate to ask you for details. Your issue may be one that is quite sensitive, and she may have felt it best to stay away until such a time that you elected to contact her about it.
In either case, consider that if you elect to stay away from her, you’ll likely never know why she stayed silent during your deepest difficulties. But if you do make contact with her, you’ll get her side of things, which may surprise you in a positive way. And if you make contact and she confirms your initial thoughts that she abandoned you when you needed her most, well then, you can commence your retreat from her and move on with knowing exactly where she was coming from.
I’VE BECOME POST-PANDEMIC ANTI-SOCIAL
DR. WALLACE: During the pandemic I got used to being just with my mom and dad and sister at home for months and months at a time. Now that we are finally back at school in person, I feel uncomfortable about hanging out with anyone from my school. Is it strange that I don’t want to interact with my friends so much anymore? — Feeling Socially Uncomfortable, via email
FEELING SOCIALLY UNCOMFORTABLE: I suggest you look deeper into the nature of your feelings. Are you feeling uncomfortable from a health perspective? Or are you simply out of practice when it comes to interacting with friends in person after such a long absence?
Many teens and young people eventually have felt the need to get back out in public and become social again because that was the normal state of things before the pandemic hit.
What wasn’t normal was staying home sequestered for over a year, but that is what occurred for reasons everyone is fully aware of now. Remember that every one of your fellow students went through the same experience you went through, and many of them might be feeling exactly as you do right now. I suggest that you plan to reengage with your social life slowly but surely as that is the normal baseline you left off from in early 2020. Perhaps you could start some of the early conversations with the friends you do hang out with by addressing the very topic you’ve raised with me here. I trust many of them will open up to you about their feelings on this topic and you’ll soon feel more comfortable knowing that you’re not alone with your concerns. Take small steps and integrate your friends back into your life at the pace you’re comfortable with.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
