“Work expands to fit the time available to do it.”
That’s what they say, and it’s true.
What they don’t say is just as true:
“Leisure expands to fit the time available to enjoy it.”
This is the problem with the typical workweek — five days on, two days off. Stand back and you will see that the reason the workweek is five days long is not because there are five days of work to accomplish.
It’s tradition.
But what if the workweek wasn’t five days, but four? That’s what Allyson Chiu ponders in “How a Four-Day Workweek Could Be Better for the Climate,” her recent article in The Washington Post.
Chiu views the workweek in terms of climate change, which is certainly appropriate considering the sizzling, stormy, smoky, smelly, scary days we’ve been experiencing. And I don’t hesitate to assert that if you believed that working less would lead to a more amenable environment, you would be the first to give up one or more workdays to make it happen.
That’s just the kind of caring person you are.
But what if the four-day workweek wasn’t sufficient to save the planet — or your sanity? Might it not be a worthwhile endeavor to consider the advantages of making the workweek even shorter? I think so. So, let’s get to work.
THE FIVE-DAY WORKWEEK
Who knows where or why this tradition started? My guess is it began with building the Tower of Babel, a seven-day-a-week endeavor that makes working in an Amazon warehouse seem like paradise. Cutting the workweek back to only five days was necessary, and a significant improvement for the construction workers slinging 2.5-ton stones to build the pyramids. (Pyramids were originally designed to be very large cubes, FYI. The reason the pyramids come to a point is that so many of the pharaoh’s employees decided to work from home instead.)
THE FOUR-DAY WORKWEEK
Working one day a week less means one day a week less commuting, which would translate to significantly less pollution. Of course, to achieve these reductions in carbon emissions, you can’t spend your non-workday riding your Ski-Doo or flying friends to the local mall in your private jet, like certain people I could mention. (Nothing personal, Kim Kardashian. I definitely enjoyed the flight.)
THE THREE-DAY WORKWEEK
With three days on and four days off you have tipped the balance from mindless workaholism to enlightened doing-nothingism. Now, at least, you have time for precious, life-enhancing activities, like cleaning the gutters and re-grouting the bathroom tiles. Come to think of it, you might be happier back at work.
THE TWO-DAY WORKWEEK
This is an excellent ratio, since by the time you finish your five days off, you’ll not only be well rested; you won’t remember you have a job to go back to.
THE ONE-DAY WORKWEEK
This is a win-win option for you and your boss. After six days off, you’ll relish the idea of being back at work. All the quirks of the manager who was driving you crazy will now seem like charming affectations. Even the actual work you have to do will be exciting, not boring, as you race to cram everything you used to do in a five-day slog into a one-day festival of accomplishment. And you’ll still have time for a two-hour lunch!
Some traditions are definitely worth saving.
THE NO-DAY WORKWEEK
You have now reached employment nirvana. Does your boss insist you come into the office or can you stay at home? As long as you don’t do any work, either option is fine. It’s a schedule guaranteed to result in significant savings, since your blunders and booboos will no longer cost the company a bundle.
The environment will also benefit from your inactivity, though it may be difficult to find activities to fill your days. The bathroom tile could use re-re-grouting, I suppose, but even the thrill of “Welcome to Flatch” pales after you’ve watched it three or six times. (Trust me on this.)
While you may be content with your no-days-a-week job, your family and friends may start subtly suggesting you return to the office, maybe by wrapping you in duct tape and depositing you on the front steps of your building.
No need to worry. You could get lucky and find a demanding, seven-day-a-week position with no time off, ever.
Hey, that Tower of Babel is not going to build itself.
Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at [email protected] To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
