Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for eight years, and we have four beautiful boys together. A little over a year ago, I caught her having an affair with one of her co-workers.
The details of the affair broke me.
Over the past year, the pain and hurt has turned into resentment and major distrust. I don’t want to live like this, but I don’t want to change things for my boys. I worry that a change of home life would hurt them in the long run. — Still Hurting
Dear Hurting: It is totally understandable that you are still hurting from your wife’s betrayal. You suffered a real trauma, and you need to allow yourself time to heal. Once you can heal, then you can decide if you want to stay or not, but staying out of guilt and feeling bad for your sons is not reason enough.
You can heal from this and forgive your wife’s mistakes, but the forgiveness will be a gift that you give to yourself and not to anyone else. If you are just muddling through your marriage but are secretly unhappy, then your sons will sense that, and it will be damaging for them to watch you in that state. The best thing to do is to go to marriage counseling, and maybe therapy yourself as well, so that you can have a better understanding of your marriage. Many couples survive infidelity if that is what you want to do.
I wrote a new book called “How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” I wrote this because, over the years, this has been one of the questions asked most often. Now you know that you are not alone and there are many other people out there struggling in similar situations. Best of luck to you as you move forward.
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for a year now. He has told me that a female friend of his from medical school who I’ve never met has been texting him about her failed relationships. She texts, “I’m so single” and, “Why are boys so dumb?” and he messages her affirming her that one day she will find someone.
At first, I felt bad for her. I don’t mind asking the opposite sex for advice once or twice. At least, I didn’t mind it until I found out that this is a nonstop occurrence of her messaging him and telling him about how single she is. I was on his phone looking at our pictures together when she messaged him complaining, so I decided to open the message and saw a text message from her saying, “is it weird if i send you a booty pic to show you my progress at the gym.” He replied, “yes that’s weird,” and she ignored him and sent him a picture of her butt in tight gym clothes.
So, my question is, what should I do? Is this a normal friendship, or should I seriously be worried about this girl? — Starting to Worry
Dear Starting to Worry: No, this is not normal behavior, and all signs show that she is after your husband. The good news is that he told you about her and that he finds her behavior to be weird. I would describe it as flat-out seductive. It is time for their friendship to end. Ask your husband to take a texting break from her.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected]
