DR. WALLACE: I’m a 17-year-old girl and recently I got in trouble. My mom’s punishment was that I had to go 100% makeup-free to school for a full month. This is very embarrassing for me! I’ve been wearing makeup whenever I go out in public, including to school, ever since I turned 16.
I kind of feel that my mom gave me this punishment because she always complains about how much my makeup costs as she has been paying for it most of the time.
Do you feel this is a fair punishment? I feel like my face is naked when I go out to catch the bus to school every morning. Furthermore, this punishment makes me more self-conscious, and I notice that I am less outgoing than I used to be. — No Makeup for Me, via email
NO MAKEUP FOR ME: As you have been allowed to wear makeup since you turned 16, asking you to change your physical appearance strictly as a form of punishment does not sound like the best idea to me. As a first step I’d suggest that you check with your mother to see if she could adjust you to a different punishment if you agree from now on to buy all your own makeup with your own money. You might earn bonus points with her if you agree to share some of your makeup with her as well from time to time.
Do this by seeking a part-time job with your mother’s permission; you might start by seeing if local neighbors may need babysitting help from time to time. Another idea would be to see if you can do light housework or yard work for any friendly neighbors that your mother is comfortable having you do some light work for.
As far as another punishment, perhaps you could agree to an earlier curfew, or to even a self-enforced study hall on Saturday mornings at your home where you spend blocks of time helping around your house and then doing your homework projects within a regimented time frame that your mother can monitor quite easily. You can even offer to help her balance her checkbook if that might be something she’d like you to assist her with.
MY MOM MAKES EMPTY PROMISES
DR. WALLACE: My mom always makes promises that she will take me shopping to get new clothes or take me to get my hair done. She always makes these promises sound very exciting and as if they’re going to happen within the next few days or over the upcoming weekend.
But then the time passes and she never does end up taking me anywhere! Why does she say over and over that she will take me, but she never does? I get really excited thinking about how much fun we will have together, but then I get frustrated these trips never come to fruition. — Frustrated Daughter, via email
FRUSTRATED DAUGHTER: Your mother might be a very busy person who can’t always help herself when it comes to managing her schedule. I would guess that she is indeed sincere when she makes these offers to you, but that she likely also experiences time crunches that never seem to allow for free time to bubble to the surface long enough for the two of you to actually follow through on your fun-sounding plans.
Sit down and have a discussion with your mother on the weekend when she has a few minutes of free time. Explain to her how much you would like to do these activities with her, and that it does feel a bit disappointing when they never seem to manifest. Then volunteer to help her organize her schedule by offering to help complete some small tasks that might allow her to then commit to a block of time where the two of you could enjoy the activities you outlined together.
The key is to get her to schedule a firm day and time in advance and put it on both her personal calendar and on your refrigerator-door calendar as well. Remind her often of the upcoming date, and continually check with her to see if you can help her with any other tasks she may have that could potentially threaten your outing. I trust deep down she would like to spend the time together with you as much as you would with her, so do your best to see if you can gently intervene in a way that may be beneficial for both of you.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
