Dear Annie: I was in a relationship for about 18 years. Early on, he proposed, and I declined with no intention of ever remarrying. After a little bit of cool-off time, the relationship slowly started up again despite this difference.
Over those years, some of our individual friends became mutual friends. Invitations for events were, of course, extended to us as a couple or individually with a plus one.
Over the past two years, the relationship ended. Soon after, I accepted a date with someone I loosely knew who is not local to the area where I live. This relationship quickly grew into an exclusive relationship. We are considering marriage in the near future, likely about one or two years off.
After the dissolution of the past relationship, I started getting invitations for “one,” no guest, from the now-mutual friends. My ex also gets invited. Originally, some of the statements were that there was concern that he would behave poorly if I was there with my new significant other. I have told inviters to please not extend this type of invitation to me as I do not consider it a real invitation. It’s disrespectful to my current boyfriend to expect him to be OK not being welcome to attend an event with me when my ex would be there.
Can you please weigh in on this type of invitation and how I can get people to understand this is not OK? — Moved On But Feeling the Pushback From Friends
Dear Moved On: It’s common for friends to feel caught in the middle after a breakup — especially the breakup of an 18-year relationship.
However, you’re all adults here. There’s no reason for your new boyfriend to be disinvited from social events. If your ex isn’t comfortable being around you two, he can stay home.
I would explain to your friends that your new beau is the real deal and that you see a future with him. If he’s not welcome at their dinner parties or barbecues, then they’ll be missing out on your attendance, too.
Dear Annie: Five months ago, I started dating a 58-year-old man. We met online and exchanged phone numbers. Our conversations were great, so we met for a date and started a relationship.
Well, he did not mention during our conversations that he is missing his front teeth. None of his pictures online showed this either. He claimed that he would get implants or dentures. He has done neither.
I am not shallow, but I am 52 and don’t want to be seen with a toothless man. Dental procedures are expensive, and he does not have dental insurance. I told him I am not comfortable being in a relationship with a man who does not care about his dental health. He smiles and laughs like it is a good look. What do you think about this toothless situation? — Not Asking for Much
Dear Not Asking: I wouldn’t call you shallow for wanting a boyfriend with front teeth. Tell him how handsome his smile is and how much it could be improved by a set of pearly whites.
His jolly attitude is heartwarming, and you might want to take a page out of his book while the two of you save up for dental implants. After all, if this is your biggest relationship problem, you have it pretty good.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected]