DR. WALLACE: My current boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year now. I love him a lot! He’s graduated from high school already and is attending a university about 40 miles from our mutual hometown.
We plan to continue our relationship without interruption, and I also plan to attend his same university next year as I’m currently a senior in high school.
My guy wants to be a high school coach; that’s his number one goal. He’s aiming to become a physical education teacher during regular school hours so that he can be both a teacher and a coach eventually.
For my career, I’m leaning toward teaching elementary school, specifically kindergarten, so if we ever do get married, I feel our jobs would be a perfect fit. We would be able to travel on vacations over the summer since both of our schedules would be clear at the same time.
So, everything about my future seems to be in alignment, but there’s one huge issue that we have not resolved yet: sex and sexual activity! My man knows that I have never been sexually active and that I’m planning to save myself for marriage in that department.
But these days, I’m not sure how long my plan will last since he’s recently been pressuring me to have sex. He hinted around a bit on this topic when we were both high school students, but now that he’s a big, bold college student, he’s really putting the “full-court press” on me quite regularly. Yes, right now I am a virgin, but I really don’t believe that I will remain a virgin all my life. While one side of me wants to wait for marriage to become sexually active, there are times that I don’t see any reason not to have sex with the guy I love and to hopefully someday become his bride.
I’m writing to you because I know you will almost certainly tell me to keep my virginity until I am married, and this is likely what my subconscious needs to hear one more time. Have I predicted your answer in advance? Please let me know either way. — Waffling over my principles, via email
WAFFLING OVER MY PRINCIPLES: Over the decades, I’ve received hundreds, if not thousands, of letters and emails from young women who’ve expressed regrets over giving in to starting sexual activity before they were certain this was a decision they fully believed in. The reasons for their concerns and reservations vary across a wide spectrum, but their remorse and regrets fall into a tight and narrow band indeed.
Many of these letters outlined psychological and physical issues and problems that subsequently arose because they entered sexual relationships before they truly knew they were ready for the responsibilities, implications and overall results of their decisions.
I have received a scant few letters that expressed great joy or happiness associated with their decision to engage in premarital sex.
So, your odds of remaining happy about your baseline decision years ago to remain a virgin while dating are extremely high based upon the feedback I’ve received from your peers over the years. So, yes, you did correctly predict my answer in advance. The odds are decidedly on your side, so I suggest you keep them that way.
I NEED MY REST!
DR. WALLACE: Now that I’m back at school in person following all the time we missed due to the pandemic, I’m so busy during the week with homework and sports that when the weekend comes, I’m beyond tired and exhausted!
On Saturdays and Sundays, I almost always sleep in until past noon; this drives my mother crazy! My mom is constantly nagging me to not be lazy and sleep “all day,” as she puts it.
Most weekends, she tries her best to wake me up at 9 a.m., but I just don’t see the point of not sleeping in when I have the chance to. Please explain to my mom that I need my sleep since I’m a super busy teenager and it’s the only time I can get my proper rest. — Not a sleepyhead, via email
NOT A SLEEPYHEAD: Maybe you can meet somewhere in the middle on weekends. Therefore, I suggest a compromise. Noon is pretty late to sleep in until, even if it is only on Saturday and Sunday mornings.
Perhaps splitting the difference to wake up at 10:30 a.m. can get you some extra rest and keep your mother at least partially on board with your wishes.
And if you find that you need that extra hour and a half of sleep, I suggest you go to bed an hour and a half earlier each Friday and Saturday night.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.