DR. WALLACE: I’m a 15-year-old girl, and my very best friend is another girl who is the same age and is in many of my same classes in high school.
Recently she went out on two dates with a really cute 16-year-old guy, and these two dates were spread out over about four weeks.
She talks about him occasionally, but it’s not like she’s obsessed with him or anything as far as I can tell. At lunchtime we look around and talk about what other boys at our school look cute, and who we might like to go out with someday.
Two days ago, I was really surprised to get a call from the same guy late one afternoon, and he actually asked me out on a date for the next day! I was really surprised, and so the first thing I told him was that I thought he was dating my best friend. He proceeded to tell me that he wasn’t going steady with her, and he hadn’t made any promises along those lines. That does seem to match up with what she has told me over the past few weeks.
Anyhow, since I was so caught off guard, I told him I needed time to think about it. So now I’m using this “thinking time” to ask you for your advice. What do you think I should do? — Surprised He Asked Me Out, via email
SURPRISED HE ASKED ME OUT: I suggest you approach your friend and tell her honestly and completely what happened. Let her know he initiated the call, and that you mentioned you thought he was going out with her.
Tell her exactly what he said about not going steady, and then ask her what she thinks you should do. She may encourage you to go out with him, or she might react in a territorial way and ask you not to.
I suggest that you ask her for two reasons. And yes, you don’t technically need her permission to move forward with your own social life, but since she’s your best friend, you’ll be honoring and protecting that friendship by being fully open and honest with her.
Let’s play out the two possible results. If she tells you to go ahead and go out with him (in a sincere way), then you have the green light to move forward with her blessing and your friendship remains intact.
If she prefers that you don’t go out with him, then it’s likely best to hold off on dating this boy for now. If your friend and this boy become truly steady at some point, then you can be happy for both of them. But if after some time passes, she’s no longer dating this boy, then at that point you’d be free to date him with your friendship intact.
If you don’t accept his offer, tell him that you appreciate him asking you out, but that you feel at this time it’s better to hold off. You’ll then be in a position to be asked out by him at a later date if he’s no longer seeing your friend, or you’ll be in a position to ask him out at the right time yourself.
Either way you’ll maintain your friendship with your best friend. It’s quite likely that you’ll both date various guys over the next few years, so take stock of this friendship with her, and if it’s important to you, continue to treat that friendship with the respect it deserves.
WE GET SO MANY AWKWARD COMMENTS
DR. WALLACE: I’m 21 now and a year away from getting my college degree. I’m a rather tall young lady, as I stand 5’11”, which makes me taller than most other girls and young women near my age.
For the past two years I’ve been dating a great guy I met at my college. He’s now 22 and a senior who is about to start what promises to be a great career in his field. He’s really smart, down to earth, has a good sense of humor and he treats me like a princess! We plan to marry within the next few years, and I couldn’t be happier.
The only problem I’ve run into is how other people react to him, often when they’ve first met him. Why? Because he’s 5′ 8″ tall, which makes him noticeably shorter than I am. He’s strong and wide, so he outweighs me by about 50 pounds, but I do get a lot of odd glances and even odd comments when people meet us in person for the first time. My own father even made an awkward comment the first time he met my beau, but now after a few years he absolutely loves him now that he’s gotten to know him so well.
What, if anything, can I do when I get those awkward comments from people who’ve just met us? — One Tall Lady, via email
ONE TALL LADY: Simply smile and say that both his heart and mind are taller than 95% of all of the people you’ve ever met. Then laugh and let them know your height difference is about the only thing in life that the two of you don’t “see eye to eye” on. Wait for a beat or two to see if they’ve understood your intentional joke.
For those that do get it right away, perhaps you can share a quick laugh together over your attempt at humor. For those that remain silent, simply say again, slowly, “we don’t see eye to eye … get it?”
Hopefully the slower ones will catch up and a laugh will follow. Either way, making your point about why he’s so cherished while simultaneously downplaying this issue with self-deprecating humor should give awkward comments their comeuppance.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
