DR. WALLACE: I’m now a sophomore in college and I’m 20 years old. An unusual thing happened at the end of last week. As I was on campus, I noticed a guy who was studying at an outdoor table and for some reason I kept looking at him and couldn’t stop looking at him.
I walked around behind and to the side of him to get a different angle, and again I had to keep looking! Finally, after about 30 seconds I realized who he was!
I literally made an audible gasp under my breath as I slowly studied the lines of his face and noticed that he was a boy who went to high school with me, and he had this awkward kind of crush on me years ago.
Back then he gave me a few homemade gifts at school, and he always went out of his way to talk to me even though he was quite socially immature. I remember thinking about how brave he was to just walk right up to me, since I was a popular junior at that point. I had a flourishing social life including a few different guys that I dated regularly. He was only a sophomore that year, so he was not even in my grade.
Needless to say, his mild infatuation with me back then went nowhere, but I was polite to him, and I would take the time to talk to him occasionally at school back then, but I also went out of my way to make sure he didn’t get the wrong impression.
Now here I am, well over three years later, and my circumstances have changed. Although I was quite popular in high school, none of my relationships bloomed into something more by the time I reached college. I got busier and busier studying and working, so I’ve dated less and less the past few years.
So, I’m guessing this guy is now a freshman at my university, and he’s obviously matured quite a bit as he appeared to be studying quite hard. His physique has filled out and he’s grown into a tall and attractive young man.
It’s strange, but now I find myself wanting to go up and introduce myself to him. However, I’m quite self-conscious whenever I think about it. He never did see me staring at him last week, so I don’t think he even knows I’m attending the same university that he is. Should I just forget about this long-ago situation and return to my studies, or do you think I should strike up a conversation and see how he’s doing these days? If he’s not dating anyone steadily right now, I’m the type of person that might even ask him out! But again, I feel this queasy nervousness ever since I realized who he is and how we knew each other back then. What do you think? — A Blast From My Past, via email
A BLAST FROM MY PAST: Absolutely reintroduce yourself to him the next chance you get! At the very least the two of you can reminisce and talk for a bit about your high school days. The good news is that you were polite to him back then and I trust he appreciated that even though he never had a chance to ask you out in those days.
You don’t have to ask him any personal questions about his current situation at all, but instead you might ask him about his studies, the major he is interested in and how often he studies by the food court. You might then ask him if you could study with him there sometime for an hour or so. I’ll bet he would like that no matter what else is going on in his life right now.
And you likely feel a bit flustered because you now see him in a very different light and perhaps you even find him attractive in his current state of maturity. I suggest that you engage him in some dialogue, keep everything casual and proceed slowly until you find out more. At some point you’ll get a better idea about his situation and at the very least you two can resume what was once a fledgling friendship. That friendship now may or may not have a chance at going any further than that, but you’ll never know if you don’t walk up at some point and say to him, “Hi there, don’t I know you?”
THEY USED IT BUT NOW THEY WON’T LET ME
DR. WALLACE: My parents openly have told my two brothers and me that they experimented with marijuana when they were in college. But now they both say that they don’t smoke or use it in any form these days, which I do believe is true.
I’m a girl who is turning 17 in two short weeks and my younger brothers are 13 and 11 right now. My problem is that even though marijuana is legal in our state, my parents won’t buy me any or even let me use it if I can get some from one of my friends. I understand that they don’t want to allow my little brothers to use it, but I’m practically an adult already! They already know it’s not harmful since they both smoked it together before they got married.
I think they are being ridiculous and hypocritical here. What do you think about this? — It’s Legal in Our State, via email
IT’S LEGAL IN OUR STATE: Your parents are under no obligation to allow you to do anything under the roof of their home that they don’t approve of. At this point, you’re still 16 and a minor. Someday when you’re an adult and you live outside of your family home, you may be able to set your own household ground rules.
Every state has its own laws, and in some states the legal age to purchase and use recreational cannabis is 21. Some states allow medicinal use with a doctor’s approval at the age of 18. Obviously, you should check the laws and statutes of your state. But in any case, your parents make the rules in their home, and you need to follow those rules. Also consider that despite the fact they used this substance many years ago, they no longer wish to do so.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
