DR. WALLACE: My best friend and I both applied to our dream college. Over the past several months, we’ve shared our hopes and dreams that we would both be accepted and could enjoy our college days together.
Our plan almost worked out. But in this case, “almost” is not so good for me. Why? Because she was accepted to this great university, and I wasn’t. Of course, my first reaction was to be very happy for her since she’s such a great friend. I expressed my heartfelt pride and happiness for her, and she very graciously accepted my best wishes in an appropriately muted manner, given I did experience the same fate.
But now that a few weeks have passed and so has the initial shock, I’ve found myself experiencing intense feelings of both jealousy and frustration. She is, and I believe always will be, a good friend of mine. But there’s no doubt that we won’t be as close now that we will be attending two different universities. In my case, I am happy to report that I did receive acceptance at my second college of choice, so I still have quite a bit to be thankful for.
We were both very good students in high school together, with barely a whisker of difference between us academically. She’s just a touch better at mathematics, and I’m slightly better at writing than she is, but in both cases it’s truly splitting hairs to distinguish the differences between our skill sets.
This has left me both puzzled and quite frustrated. I’m having a hard time getting over my disappointment. Any ideas on how I can best handle and hopefully resolve my intense feelings of jealousy and frustration? — Just missed out, via email
JUST MISSED OUT: Life is full of ups and downs, challenges and frustrations. I’m sorry that this specific big dream of yours didn’t work out — at least as you had hoped that it would.
But keep in mind that sometimes new opportunities blossom out of what at first appears to be a great letdown or disappointing event. You truly don’t know what lies in front of you academically and socially at the college that did accept you — and it’s one that you also have spoken very highly of. It’s part of the human experience to feel frustration, but the human spirit is resilient and I trust that you’ll soon find new and exciting challenges and opportunities that you’ll eagerly embrace. It’s a cliche for sure, but now is the time you should look forward, not backward. Do keep in touch with your good friend at the other school, and root for her success, but apply the bulk of your focus to the landscape that will be unfurling in front of you. You’ll have new, unique experiences; you’ll make new social connections; and you’ll still be the same excellent student you’ve always been once you attend your very first class on your new campus.
Embrace the opportunity and realize that your life and career path are much more impacted and influenced by your hard work, social connections and valuable personal growth experiences than the name of the college that ultimately ends up on your resume.
MY PARENTS SUGGEST OPPOSITE COLLEGE MAJORS
DR. WALLACE: I’m a high school senior and I plan to attend college. I get pretty good grades, so I can attend the college of my choice. It’s a school near my hometown, and although it’s not a “big name” college, it’s a solid university with a good reputation.
My problem is that my parents are both giving me advice on what to major in. My mother and my father are each passionate about the fields of study they took when they were college students, but the two of these subjects are polar opposites! I literally don’t know where to start or which one to pursue. I also don’t want to disappoint either of my folks, especially because they’ve both been so supportive of me and my academic pursuits and goals my whole life.
What’s a young guy to do in this situation? — Not sure at all, via email
NOT SURE AT ALL: Keep both fields of study in mind and plan to take a sampler course or two in each field. As you enter college, first focus on your “prerequisites,” which are undergraduate classes you must take no matter which major field you ultimately pursue.
This will give you time to settle into college and to effectively use your time and energy in a productive manner to start with. Then over time, take a course or two in the fields your parents each recommend, and by all means take a course or two in any other field of study you personally enjoy or find interesting.
Gradually, I trust that you will find your inner compass and you’ll be able to decide which direction to focus upon. It might be one that your parents are recommending now. Then again, it might end up being something entirely different. This is the beauty of college, as it’s a time to sample, study, explore and evaluate. In the end, the decision is yours, and I feel it’s wise to consider a field of study that will ultimately set you up to best be successful in the career path you desire. Take your time in doing this. As a freshman in college next fall, time will most definitely still be on your side and it will remain there for your first two full years of college at least.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
