DR. WALLACE: I’ve made what I feel is a big mistake! Recently I got into a brief argument with my girlfriends’ parents about a political issue, even though I’m not really a big political person at all. It’s just that this one issue struck a nerve with me, so when they brought the topic up at a family dinner I attended with my girlfriend at her house, I jumped into the discussion with my viewpoint, which was the opposite of theirs.
So now whenever I come over to my girlfriend’s house these days, her parents won’t acknowledge me at all. It’s literally like I am a stranger to them now when I visit their house. How can I change this, if it’s even possible? I’m starting to think that they won’t ever talk to me again. — The Boyfriend With an Opposite Viewpoint, via email
THE BOYFRIEND WITH AN OPPOSITE VIEWPOINT: Apologize to her parents on your next visit to their domicile by bringing them a small gift for their home or a small, packaged food product you know they’ll like. It’s important that you take the first step toward them at this juncture.
However, when you make your apology, make it for arguing with them in their home, NOT for taking the position you did. You’re entitled to your political opinions just as much as they are, but it was not wise to create friction in their home at their dinner table — especially when you’re dating their daughter!
This experience has taught you an important life lesson, which is to select your battles and your debates wisely. There is of course a time and place for any reasonable exchange of opinions, but it’s always wise to select the venue and timing of such a discussion carefully.
HOW DO I FIND TRUE LOVE?
DR. WALLACE: I’ve been in a few relationships with guys at my school, but they always seem to end poorly. Then eventually I meet a new guy and the same cycle seems to play out and repeat itself again. How do I find the right one for me? — Looking for True Love, via email
LOOKING FOR TRUE LOVE: Don’t give up your search but be more selective when it comes to going into potential relationships. As you stated, most relationships that don’t work out end poorly. To avoid this outcome, start with the end in mind — meaning seek common ground right from the all-important second date!
Why the second date? Because a first date is intended to be casual and informal and a sort of “mutual interview” for each party’s benefit to get to know the other person a bit better. So, use your future first dates to truly ask some important questions. Seek to find areas of compatibility, not just a cute smile or a person who shows interest in you. Remember that you have tremendous personal value, so don’t give yourself away by entering a relationship with the next guy who asks you out.
Simply put, go on fewer second dates and even fewer third ones! This means you should keep searching for common values, common goals, interests and perspectives on life. You’ll soon find that you can gradually evaluate the potential compatibility of your dates. If you follow this path, you’ll have fewer total relationships and increase your enjoyment of the ones you do choose. And hopefully along the way you’ll find the true love you seek.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
