DR. WALLACE: I’m a 19-year-old young lady who is in her first year of college. My roommate and best friend told me a few months back that she sometimes used cocaine on special occasions, typically with her boyfriend. This boyfriend of hers runs with a rough crowd, and I’m not fond of him at all.
This past weekend, she told me she needed to speak to me. Once we sat down and talked alone together, she confessed to me that she feels she is now addicted to cocaine since she has been using it daily since the week leading up to Christmas. She said that she’s very worried that I will disown her as a friend and maybe even try to get her kicked out of the dorm room we share on campus.
I was not happy when she first told me about her recreational use last fall, and I told her so at that time and warned her to stop messing with that substance immediately. I don’t want to lose her as my friend, but I don’t want to enable her either. What can and should I do now that this issue is inside of my living quarters? — Worried sick, via email
WORRIED SICK: My advice is to provide her tough love, meaning that you will ask her to be completely honest with you at all times, starting right now, and that she will never bring any illegal substance into your dorm room. Ask her to seek treatment and tell her that as her close friend, you will assist her to do so.
Explain to her that for your safety and security you need to have her cease using illegal drugs immediately. Remember that you are responsible for yourself, so depending on how she reacts to your suggestions and what steps she accordingly takes, you must also make your own decision on how you best wish to protect yourself.
It’s possible she gets the help she needs and that she turns a corner in overcoming her addiction. But on the other hand, she may continue using, and this will put you in an awkward and potentially dangerous situation that you might need to move away from.
In either case, you can tell her that you will be there for her to help her as much as you possibly can — and you can also mean it, whether you stay in a dorm room with her or not. — Person, via email
FORGET DATING, I CAN’T EVEN TALK TO BOYS!
DR. WALLACE: I’m a 15-year-old girl who gets outstanding grades and has an excellent reputation. I attend church regularly and even volunteer my time to mentor 10- to 12-year-old girls from broken homes who need special assistance and guidance.
All of my family and friends would say that I’m a very responsible young lady for my age, but for some reason my parents still don’t trust me around boys. In fact, I’m not allowed to date, and I’m not even allowed to talk to boys on the telephone at night either!
I think this is kind of crazy since there are boys at my high school and I talk to several of them each day at lunchtime and during breaks. I’m interested in boys in general, but I’m not looking for any kind of serious relationship. I’d rather just develop a few friendships and do some light dating here and there. I politely bring this up to my parents once or twice a month but they never budge one inch with their rules on this topic.
If you print my letter in your column, I could at least direct them to your reply so that they could hopefully consider another adult’s opinion. — Always denied, via email
ALWAYS DENIED: I suggest that you start simply with the telephone request and ask if you can begin dating once you turn 16. In the meantime, ask your parents if you can talk to only one boy at a time occasionally in the evening, and request that this boy come by your house to meet your parents in person ahead of time. This way, your parents can see him, speak with him themselves and get a general feel for his personality and character. Your odds of being granted a little telephone time should go up dramatically if it’s only one boy at a time, and your parents know exactly who the specific boy is.
Feel free to direct your parents to this column, and if they have any questions, comments or suggestions, please let them know they are also welcome to write in to this column at any time!
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
