DR. WALLACE: I recently got into a really bad fight with my boyfriend and ended up saying a lot of things that I didn’t mean and things I know I can never take back. The fight wasn’t over anything serious; I just got frustrated that we only see each other a couple of times a week and never seem to spend enough time together. The limited amount of time that we have together doesn’t seem to bother my boyfriend as much as it bothers me, and so I got really angry.
I completely blew things out of proportion and screamed at him like a child throwing a tantrum. Immediately after it happened, I felt terribly ashamed of what I had said and was very embarrassed by my behavior. I tried to apologize, and my boyfriend fortunately was pretty understanding, but at the same time I think I really scared him.
Ever since the fight, he’s been a lot more quiet than usual and I’m worried I’ve damaged our relationship. I feel so guilty about everything that happened and I can’t stop blaming myself and thinking that I must be a bad person. I don’t know how I could say such hurtful things to someone I love so much over such a minor issue. How can I repair the relationship from here and make sure that this never happens again? — Now Regretful, via email
NOW REGRETFUL: I suggest you start by looking inward at what triggered your outburst in the first place. Do you feel the need to control your boyfriend’s schedule? Has he done anything to cause you to doubt him?
It appears you may be struggling in this regard due to mutual scheduling issues, not a desire to see each other and spend time together.
It’s unfortunate that you both had to experience your outburst, but you can take positive steps from here. Perhaps you can present him a handwritten letter of apology for your behavior, but not for your desire to spend more time together. Ask him to help you coordinate your future schedules as well as possible and tell him directly how you feel about him. Explain that because you care so much, you allowed your frustration to boil over. Commit to him that your outburst was a one-time event. Then take steps to be sure you live up to those words.
CAN I JUST CUT BACK?
DR. WALLACE: I’m a young lady of 23 and I’ve been married for the past year and a half. My husband and I agreed that we would wait to start a family until our late 20s.
We love to travel and wanted time for this passion early on in our marriage. I eat very well, but I do have one nasty habit. I’m a full pack a day smoker! I picked this up in college and have not been able to kick it.
Well, I just learned from my doctor that I’m pregnant! Not only are our extensive travel plans now in jeopardy, but also, I’m even more worried about how my smoking will affect my unborn child. The good news is that I’m very early in my pregnancy right now, and although it’s been hard, I’ve held off smoking in the five days since I received my big news. I’m already a bit shaky, so I’m wondering if you feel it might be OK for me to cut out the pack a day and maybe cut down to 5 or 6 cigarettes a day. Would that make a big difference for the health of my child? — Mother-To-Be, via email
MOTHER-TO-BE: In my mind, you really don’t have much of a choice if you truly wish to protect the health and well-being of your unborn child. You should quit smoking entirely.
I know that’s a big ask, but nothing right now is more important than protecting your child. There are many studies I’ve read over the years, and they all consistently mention that nicotine and carbon monoxide from smoking can injure or stunt your unborn child.
I suggest you raise this issue in great detail with your family physician. Get all the facts and then turn your focus on how best to quit smoking entirely. You will absolutely experience short-term pain in doing so, but the long-term benefits will be more than worth it on several levels. Not only will your child benefit, but your own health will also turn an important corner.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
