DR. WALLACE: Last week, I went to a party with a friend and ended up having sex with a guy I had just met that evening! I really don’t know why it happened so fast. I guess it was partly because I’ve been cooped up for so long due to the pandemic; once I was able to get out and socialize, I compacted a lot of action into one night. I actually don’t know any of the other party hosts, as a girlfriend of mine heard about this party via local gossip; we kind of crashed the party by showing up without being invited by anyone.
I don’t know why I did this, especially because I don’t really know this guy all that well. Don’t get me wrong, he was nice enough, and he absolutely did not force anything upon me nor push me to get physical. Things just happened organically really, really fast.
So, I’m probably not the first girl who had been drinking with a cute guy and had things “just happen.” Now I have regrets over what happened, and I’m all alone: He lives two hours away in another, bigger town that’s a long way from here via country roads. Now I don’t know what to do about this. We did not use a condom, and in hindsight I realize what a mistake I made on that issue. What should I do at this point? — Had a One-Night Stand, via email
HAD A ONE-NIGHT STAND: I’m glad you reached out to me for help rather than just keeping all of this to yourself.
Remaining isolated can make you miserable with worry and accomplishes nothing for you. You need to relax, forgive yourself and make an appointment to see your doctor — or a new doctor just for the purpose of being checked to see that you are physically all right following this event. Remember that doctors do not share medical results with others due to confidentiality laws and covenants. Your results will not be shared with anyone except you. Do this as soon as you can so you’re able to stop worrying in isolation.
I also suggest that you think long and hard about your impulsive behavior and seek not to repeat having unprotected sex with strangers in the future.
SET YOUR BUDGET FIRST
DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend and I want to move out to a place of our own. I’m 19 and he’s 20. We’ve been dating for three years, ever since we met in high school, and we get along very well.
My issue is that we both have decent jobs now, but he makes more money than I do — quite a bit more. In fact, it’s about double what I bring in. When we last spoke about this, he suggested that we split the rent. I told him that because he earns far more than I do, that’s not fair. Do you have any suggestions for me on how to get him to pay his fair share of our future rent payments? — Ready To Move Out, via email
READY TO MOVE OUT: Let your boyfriend know what your budget is for rent, based upon your income. This way, he can elect to find a place that can fit your budget, which will easily allow him to match your payment. Mention that you can afford only so much for rent, as you’ll need to budget the rest of your money for food and fuel for your car, for example. Basically, just create your budget and show it to him.
If your boyfriend wants to rent a more expensive apartment or house, suggest that he can pay an extra amount for the two of you to live in a better or bigger place and that you’ll do your best to be as helpful around the house as possible to pull your weight.
This would set you up for an interesting conversation with him, one that may reveal a deeper look into his true personality than you’ve seen to date. Now, I’m not implying this only as a negative. He may surprise you with an affirmative answer and say that he’s happy to spend a bit extra on his end to benefit both of you with a larger or nicer place. But be prepared: His comments could go the other way too!
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected] To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
