Dear Annie: Not long ago, my fiance and I got together with one of his good friends and his new girlfriend. We will call them “Bob” and “Jane.” We were all dining and in the middle of a conversation when my fiance’s friend excused himself to go to the restroom. His new girlfriend took his seat so that we could all converse while he was away. The restaurant was somewhat loud due to entertainment.
After general conversation, this woman reached over and stroked my fiance’s face without uttering a word. The entire back of her hand slid from the jaw to the temple. I was actually in disbelief and shocked at what I had just witnessed. My fiance left the table almost immediately to use the restroom himself.
Upon his return, he switched his seat to be on the other side of me so he was not next to Jane any longer. I asked him if Jane stroking his face was why he actually left the table. He said yes, and he added that she had also been rubbing up against his leg. I was unaware of this.
Well, I was beyond furious and ready to confront her. My fiance begged me not to say anything, so we left abruptly. My first reaction was to be furious with my fiance for not saying something to her immediately. He said he was so stunned that he just wanted to leave.
He and Bob have been friends for 30 years. When Bob called the next morning to see if we had fun and liked his new girlfriend, my fiance let him have it. He was unaware of the evening’s happenings. He told Bob what Jane did and how uncomfortable it had made both of us. Bob was truly unfazed by the news and blamed it on Jane’s drinking that evening. Bob has since invited us to a few events that he and Jane were going to be at. We have declined and again reiterated why we have no desire to spend time with Jane.
What is your take on this behavior, and do you agree with our stance to keep our distance from Jane? A mutual friend of Bob and my fiance is hosting a summer barbecue. My fiance wants to go. Bob and Jane will also be there; their RSVP confirmed it. Do we go? If so, I am most certain I will address the situation in person. I am not fake and will not pretend this didn’t happen. — Shaking My Head in Ohio
Dear Shaking My Head: Don’t let Jane ruin your fun. If you want to say something to her, go ahead, but if you don’t, just enjoy the party. Hopefully, there are enough people there that you and your fiance can avoid her. The fact that your fiance already mentioned it to his friend is enough to let it go.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected]
