Kenneth Branagh’s “Death on the Nile” is a slow boat to Aswan. Drifting into theatres five pandemic-plagued years after “Murder on the Orient Express” — the director’s first Agatha Christie adaptation — “Nile” again invites us to observe Christie’s punctilious Belgian detective Hercule Poirot (again played by Branagh himself) apply his big brain to a tricky murder mystery that we know he will in the end — voila! — handily resolve.
What’s different this time around is that the unforeseen COVID-19 delay of Branagh’s second film enabled American director Rian Johnson to step into the gap with his own, very Christie-like period gumshoe movie, the 2019 “Knives Out,” which, like “Orient Express,” was a big worldwide hit. It was also livelier and funnier than the first Branagh film, which now leaves “Death on the Nile” facing a moderate box-office challenge.
The mustiness of Christie’s 85-year-old story is a problem. Last time around this dated quality lent the picture a period charm, but it puts this movie, with its ascots and tassels and creamy eveningwear, into a sedate nod. Worse, Branagh has encased some of the film in airless CGI, which is distractingly obvious in comparison to the sequences he shot on location in Egypt.
There are also too many characters, although that comes with the Christie territory. The story begins with a daub of unexpected emotion — a black-and-white sequence set in Belgium in 1914, in which we see a young Poirot being wounded on a gas-hazed World War I battlefield and then being tended by a nurse named Katherine (Susannah Fielding), who we later learn was the great love of his life. Fast forward to 1937 London, where we find an older Poirot, now accompanied by the luxuriant moustache that has become his trademark (and which now has a backstory), taking in the hot blues of a cafe band fronted by the guitarist Salome (Sophie Okonedo). A beautiful heiress, Linnet Ridgeway (Gal Gadot), appears on the scene and begins dancing with a dapper character named Simon Doyle (Armie Hammer). This clearly annoys another young woman on the premises, one Jacqueline de Bellefort (Emma Mackey), who is Simon’s fiancee — at the moment, anyway.
The plot gets much more crowded after the story arrives in Egypt some weeks later and boards a paddlewheel steamer for a cruise down the Nile, which doubles as a honeymoon for the now-married Linnet and Simon. Poirot and the original group have been joined by Linnet’s doctor (Russell Brand), her godmother (Jennifer Saunders), her lawyer (Ali Fazal) and, uh, Salome’s niece, Rosalie (Letitia Wright), among others. The freshly jilted Jacqueline is still on hand, too, and furious — she’s been following Linnet and Simon wherever they go, confident that her ex will see the light and return to her.
The crux of the situation is that Linnet fears for her life, and not without reason. Apart from Jacqueline, who’s obviously in a murderous mood, there are others onboard who would be happy to hasten the holding of the wealthy woman’s funeral. And one of them has a gun.
As it happens, more than a single murder ensues, and of course Poirot quickly cracks the case. Unfortunately, at this late date in mystery history, it’s hard to imagine any genre fan lagging very far behind him.
OSCAR NOMS
Did I detect yet another slump of interest in the announcement of this year’s Academy Award nominations this week? If so, might that prefigure yet another dive-bomb ratings crash when the Oscars ceremony is broadcast on March 27? Smart money would probably take that bet.
Lack of interest in this year’s nominations couldn’t be blamed on bad movies — films that are too obscure or too highfalutin. Look at the Best Picture nominees, which include “Dune,” “Belfast,” “Licorice Pizza,” “Nightmare Alley” and “West Side Story.” These are all good movies. I’m not a big musicals person, but I thought Spielberg’s “West Side Story” remake was better than the 1961 original that people have been whooping about for the last 60 years. And while I maintain a stubborn loyalty to David Lynch’s 1984 “Dune” — a movie that is famously a mess, but a brilliant mess — I have to admit that Denis Villeneuve’s remake (or Part One of it), despite being a slog, is still beautiful filmmaking. And putting technical and genre considerations aside, “Licorice Pizza,” a flawed movie that exists in a world all its own, is my favorite film of the year (based in part on the fact that I’ve seen it three times and on two of those occasions paid personal money to do so).
Seth Rogen was quoted saying something seldom heard coming out of Hollywood this week. He was talking about the Oscars, and he said, “I don’t get why movie people care so much if other people care what awards we give ourselves. Maybe people just don’t care. Maybe they did for a while, and they stopped caring. And why should they?”
The crazy days of worldwide excitement about the Oscars — who’s winning, who’s losing, what they’re all wearing to the big show — may be over. Certainly, offering a slate of Best Picture nominees this week that didn’t include “Spider-Man: No Way Home” — a movie that’s made more than a billion dollars worldwide and is still going strong — is no way to build a new generation of interest and enthusiasm. That would seem to be a lesson to be learned as soon as possible. Unless it’s already too late.
OK: Putting aside favorite films for a moment, let me submit one of my favorite film moments of 2021. It’s from “Annette,” a movie you may not have seen (most people haven’t). It’s a picture written by Ron and Russell Mael of Sparks and directed by Leos Carax. This scene features Adam Driver and an amazing young actor named Devyn McDowell, and I think it’ll stay with you.
CREDIT: Walt Disney Studios. 
CREDIT: Walt Disney Studios.
Kurt Loder is the film critic for Reason Online. To find out more about Kurt Loder and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
